This hits somewhat close to home

"TheHondaBro" (wwaveform) 06/04/2015 at 13:13 • Filed to: None

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When I was in middle school, there was this kid who came from a broken household. He was in one of my classes. Very nice kid, very smart. After a public shaming, he ended his own life. The entire school was shaken up for days to come.

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I have to say I’m no stranger to these types of feelings. I know exactly how it feels to contemplate such a temptation. You feel alone- but not like you’re in an empty room. You feel lonely, as if no one else exists. You’re overcome with powerful emotions. Then the thoughts begin.

Please, if you suspect someone you know is contemplating suicide, help them in every way you can. Refer them to the NSPL:

The !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If you’re in crisis or feeling suicidal, please call 1-800-273-8255. You can also !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! with someone from NSPL at any time, day or night.

Also, if you’re a parent, think twice before publicly shaming your broken child. I’ve seen this happen way too frequently, and most of the time they just don’t end well.

Xyl0c41n3 > TheHondaBro 06/04/2015 at 13:16

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Well said, Honda. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for this post.

You're awesome, kiddo. Don't ever forget that.

CB > TheHondaBro 06/04/2015 at 13:18

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There are two types of shaming: disintegrative and reintegrative. Disintegrative is “you did something wrong, you’re a bad person” style shaming. It’s not what you want to do because it makes people feel like shit, as well as ostracised from those shaming them, and generally doesn’t promote good behaviour in the long run (see labelling theories for more info on that). Reintegrative shaming is basically “okay, you did something wrong, and it was bad, but you’re not a bad person”. Basically, people voice what went wrong so that the person knows that they did something wrong and feel bad about it, but know that they still have support from people around them, and do to this, don’t want to hurt those around them again. We need to do more of the second one instead of the first.

HammerheadFistpunch > CB 06/04/2015 at 13:23

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Reproving betimes with sharpness...and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.

CB > HammerheadFistpunch 06/04/2015 at 13:28

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Well said. Well, maybe a little bit less old-timey English would be nice. But that’s the Bible for you.

HammerheadFistpunch > CB 06/04/2015 at 13:32

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Not the bible, but great advice. I try to think of this everytime I have to scold my children. My dad made sure we understood this too. You aren’t a bad person, you’ve just done something wrong and now you know. Its hard but I try not to use the term “you are so naughty” for that reason. There is a difference between a bad person and a person who has done something wrong.

CB > HammerheadFistpunch 06/04/2015 at 13:34

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Sorry, I saw Church of Latter-Day Saints when I Googled the line, so I assumed the Bible.

But yeah, I entirely agree. Good on you for taking this approach with your kids.

HammerheadFistpunch > CB 06/04/2015 at 13:39

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LDS, yes. Bible, no. In any case, its worked out well for me...I hope. Its harder than it sounds.

ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper > TheHondaBro 06/04/2015 at 13:44

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Wow... how do you not know that cutting someones hair off messes with their head... im sure that was the heavier blow, and the video was just the icing and cherry... Christ, what a laps in judgment.

Is there even an a equivalent punishment for boys? Like if my father had shaved my head, Id be hurt, but guys dont value their hair to the same degree...or at all.

CB > ESSSIX GmbH - Accountant/Wagon Thumper 06/04/2015 at 14:13

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Odds are, this probably wasn’t the first incident. Suicide is usually the result of seeing no other way out. From my point of view, there were probably other events that occurred before this, and this one ended up as the tipping point.

Wheelerguy > TheHondaBro 06/04/2015 at 14:19

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I’ve actually lucidly dreamed sequences worse than that everytime shit hit the fan, the worst case being when I secretly spent my prize money on running shoes shoes I lost at school (the shoes my brother gave me on my birthday, no less) and telling my parents the school took some moolah as some sort of commission. Not suicide, no. I mean a full-blown massacre where I kill my whole family by tossing shit and stabbing them, and then it ends either with suicide or running away from home, becoming a completely different bloke with a new identity and coming home as a stranger and actually feeling good about it. After that’s done, I just sleep, and forget about it.

Yes, I do suppress my anger and distaste a lot in day-to-day living, usually going to bed, sleeping a bit, and then continuing the dream lucidly with the scenes I describe as some sort of coping mechanism, followed by praying the Rosary. It is horrendously, extremely bad for me, really, even with the Rosary, because (1) it’s damaging me as a person, (2) it’s gradually tearing me apart from my family, and (3) it’s bad for my heart (CHD, murmurs, left heart enlargement, but look at that I’m 17 and in madaFalken college). Oh, and it also increases my risk of actually DOING a mass murder or some bullshit, followed by some sort of rape on a 20-something, then an assassination, then some more rape, then blowing up a bridge, then killing Pastor Maldonado by throwing a rock at him while driving an F1 car, then some more rape, then nuking the Chinese Communist Party building, then rape, then more terrorist acts. If you put it mildly, you could say that I have a right to say what Bruce Banner said to Captain America before transforming into The Hulk.

Even worse? They don’t even see it even if they see it all the time. They think I forget. They think I cope. No, I don’t, and sometimes I show that whatever they’re doing doesn’t work.

But the truth is, I have nowhere near gotten that far. My lucid dreams did not become real . I’ve managed to suppress my negativity all this time and still be the life of the party when I go to one, as well as effectively lead my friends on a bike trip we’ll never forget. For the most part, I’ve become friends with some of the people I would have gladly crippled before, and my relationship with my family is stronger now than ever before. My dark side, however, shows when some bloke turns on me for no reason. I once threw a big rock to a 17-year old—right to the back of the head—after he repeatedly fettered with my game and pulled my chair out twice in the middle a little Need For Speed contest. He survived, and since I did it in the dead of night I got away with it, but at least you have an idea of how I serve my revenge if I do so.

Dying because of a bad experience is one thing, but living through a lot more, from the pettiest to the most jarring, can completely change a person. Me? I’ve done my best to stay cool and level-headed. Whatever destruction I imagine, I either sleep off, bike off, or put in writing. And I pray and meditate. And also confess to a priest. My feaith keeps my dark side in check.

This comic’s correct. The winner is the one you feed.

As much as I can help it, I feed the white wolf.

Berang > TheHondaBro 06/04/2015 at 14:40

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People don’t kill themselves because they’re embarrassed. They kill themselves when they have an inescapable problem. For a lot of kids, parents are unfortunately an inescapable problem. Parents though, no matter how inept tend to see themselves as perfect solvers of problems rather than a source of them (actually usually the more inept parents are, the higher regard they hold themselves in).

Anybody who has children needs to really think about the “lessons” they teach their kids, because often the point parents (especially “tough” parents) think they’re getting across is not what kids are actually learning. Often these kids just learn that their parents are awful. Worse though they may begin to feel that their life will always be subject to the whims and control of their parents - and very few things will crush a child’s sense of self worth and drive more completely than that. If you have kids you have to consider that you might be their biggest problem. I’ve seen it enough that just seeing it wears me down too.